The Germs

Funny thing about the human body, and bodies in general: you see, there's this thing called the immune system, a beautifully coordinated defense system working toward your well being.

Now why would you go and pay good money to make yourself sick? I mean, unless you're buying whiskey and throwing a party, there's really no point.

I think I've been sick once since high school. I drank lots of water and coffee and switched to menthol cigarettes and after a day I was back to normal.

And another thing… what's with all that antibacterial soap shit? That's an open invitation for your body to slack off. And you know what? When you find yourself in the apocalypse without soap, you'll get sick. And I'll be fine.

But I'm not here solely to criticize. Here are some tips for healthy living:

1. Never wash your hands.
2. Always eat food that has fallen on the floor.
3. Quarantine children inside plastic bubbles.
4. Drink lots of coffee.
5. If you're cold, put on a hat and smoke a cigarette.