I have two Nash boards, actually. One is simply wood-colored with the Nash logo cut out of the grip and the other is hot pink with caricatures of 1980s slasher legends painted on the bottom.
I’ve replaced the hardware for both: Fury trucks, Spitfire wheels, and Chinabone bearings. In other words, sex on wheels.
Anyhoo, several midgety hooligans gather in my parking lot to make noise and hurt each other whenever the sun is shining. I decided to join them and prove my superiority, but apparently kids these days have always had real skateboards to play with. They have no appreciation of Nash boards or the incredible skill required to ollie, let alone ollie over a four-stack.
I let one of them borrow my board and he couldn’t get it off the ground. But rather than concede his hopeless inferiority, he told me my skateboard was gay and that I was gay for having a gay skateboard.
I hate children.