Deep down in the darkest recesses of your psyche, you want to play with my hair. It's OK. Don't be ashamed. It is the secret desire of every creature on earth.

My hair isn't made awesome by any special effort. I'm just blessed with good genes for making unruly, tangled, choppy hair. I'm holding out the hope that some day geneticists will approach me with a million dollars to sample my DNA.

In the meantime, well, every time I look in the mirror it's an adventure.