Hair

My quality of life improved drastically the day I realized my hair and I could maintain our independence. I do my thing, it does its.

Life is good.

While you poor saps are brushing away the bad hair days, I'm making a pot of coffee. While you're washing your hair, I'm drinking said coffee. While you're styling your hair, I'm making another pot of coffee.

Life is so much richer!

The trick is in being cool. If you're cool, people assume the arbitrary directions your hair has taken is decided with purpose.

Besides, some people really do have permanent bad hair. Take Doom Kitty for instance. He spitefully grooms all day long and still looks like a discarded creation of Dr. Seuss. There's gotta be a point where you call it a day and move onto other pursuits.

Right?